Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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