what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
