I think I died a long time ago.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
