...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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