Kiss
Puke
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
