I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
