i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
