I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
