I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
