the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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