I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
