wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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