Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
As shirtless as possible
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
