So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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