my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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