I want to stick my p in your. b.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
