I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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