I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
