he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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