I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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