my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
