Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
