mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
