I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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