I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
