Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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