we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
