I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
