I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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