we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
false alarm. still invincible.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
