Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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