the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
