woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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