party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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