is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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