she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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