i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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