Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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