Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
