During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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