Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
