how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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