So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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