Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
