that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
