my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
