I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
