I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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