she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
