he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
