I look better un-naked...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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