Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
