if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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