The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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