The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
