How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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