you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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