The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
