i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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