Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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